Had to drop out of testing today. I thought maybe I could get at the problem from a different angle. Last night started me wondering if maybe the problem lay in an unrelated part of the array. We hadn’t detected any signals to the problem area previously but perhaps we were looking in the wrong way.

I spent the whole day monitoring the state of the system everywhere but where the problem is located. Not that I made myself deliberately blind to it, but I did remove the probe we had been using as a shield. It was very difficult to get the problem to replicate and when I did there seemed not to be any correspondence at all.

Ah well. Anthea thinks I have enough of an idea that she has given me tomorrow to work on it too.

We went out again tonight, all of us. Amazing. Alliatte managed to talk us into this last week without the rest of us realising what she was doing. I mean, we did all want to go out again but I don’t think anyone noticed it was her idea to go out both nights of the week-end or that it was her idea to have a hillside picnic under the stars.

No one else knew until we arrived together that the hills just outside Saralies are hosting a Crimson Project. They decorated the hillsides with glass-like pillars which chime in tones and pulses of light that seem to call and answer from hill to hill. It was like walking among flickering constellations of music. Alliate said she found out about the display by luck; she does not know how long it will remain in place.

We set up at the best spot we could find to enjoy the show, and saw a handful of other people doing the same or walking around. After we ate we sat and talked awhile of old times, present, and future. I won’t say what my friends talked of, but the sparks of scattered light made me nostalgic for stars I never visited. The Crimson Project brought a little of the alien to now-familiar Saralies and reminded me how much I wish to breathe the air of other worlds, to drink in their souls.

Yes, I want to travel. I know it is not for me, not now, and even if I were offered the chance I might not take it. Maybe after I have some experience honing my skills in R&D I will be ready.

We walked around for a while, taking in as much of the display as we could while we still can. It is not as homogeneous as I first thought. There are patterns in there… I think the only way to see the whole thing might be to view it from a high place and take an image over a long time. I might try that if it is still around on Fourthday.

Mandy wondered if there was any communication involved in the display. If there is none of us could decipher it but maybe he is right. Maybe he is right, maybe the poles are acting in response to one another and not in some pre-programmed or random sequence. And maybe…

Oh, but we stayed too late and I must sleep.

Phewf. Glad I did all my collapsing last night. Might do a bit more now…

Just got back from another night out with everyone. Since I missed out on seeing Hanna live last week we all agreed that we should go bowling this week. I had to play Hanna, of course, and he won, of course. On points. I made up my own secret game in which the person whose ball made the most interesting trail won and since Hanna’s balls always navigate the rings so cleanly and mine always get so tangled and spun around I declared myself winner for fun. So we each won one. And then we all played again once the grudge match was done and I really really needed to laugh like that because the past couple of weeks have been harder on me than I realised.

We roamed the city after our game was done, just as we had done so many nights in years past when we should have been studying at our academies. I like to think our interdisciplinary association gave us an edge; it is not as if we talked of sex and art and dreams exclusively. And Jillian still reaches out for poles as we pass, still lets them change her path.

It was a good night. I wish we had more of those again.

And back to testing and not having the energy to do anything but collapse once I get home. Still haven’t solved whatever is causing that energy drain. It hasn’t recurred but I don’t feel right letting it sit there, lurking. Least so far as we can tell our tests are operating fine. Nothing odd about the probe we could find.

We better work out what is going on before deadline hits.

So we tried my idea today. So far it is ‘working’ but I’m not satisfied with it as a final solution. The problem has only been masked, after all, but unless we find what is actually going on it may have to do.

I just realised maybe something is off about the probe we’re using too. If my idea does work we’re gonna have to run some tests on it to see if it’s doing something it shouldn’t be. It’d be weird if two things were acting up in such a way as to cancel each other out but until we’ve investigated we can’t rule it out.

Thanks Ami Angelwings for putting me on track to think of this, I might have missed something important.

Not really a solution, but I might have a way around the problem. I was so busy pondering what effect the probe might have on our pesky bug, I didn’t realise until this afternoon that since the mere presence of the probe discourages it from reappearing, we may as well just leave it in place. Hopefully it will stop it from happening again or at least catch it if it does.

We’ll find out tomorrow.

Yeah, I was pleased about the delay yesterday. Yesterday, it was nice having a change of pace. Today it’s getting a bit annoying. We still haven’t resolved that power loss yet. We can’t even trigger it reliably yet, let alone replicate it.

Seville’s just as stumped as I am. We spent all day staring at the problem’s locus without seeing anything useful. It acts as if we have a crossed circuit, or one loose nearby where it can wander close enough to cross, but our probes aren’t picking up any potentials. In fact, there never is a problem when we place a probe. I wonder if it is interfering somehow…

We hit a bit of a snag in testing today, hopefully minor. Can’t proceed until we resolve it, though. It was a bit of a relief after the pace of last week.

Urk. Slept right through to yesterday afternoon and missed Hanna’s match. Didn’t realise work was taking this much of me. I need to remember that just because I’m not doing anything physically demanding, it doesn’t mean I’m not straining my brain out. I mean, there were classes at the academy teaching us how to deal with this. My only excuse is nothing I’ve done so far has been this intense. So, uh, I forgot to look after myself. Yup.

Not that testing is particularly complicated, even compared to assembling the system, but we have been running as hard as we can all day every day this week.

Fortunately Hanna was understanding so we went out tonight to celebrate his victory. It was great getting to spend time with everyone again, I haven’t seen anyone but Mitt in, wow, nearly two months. Too bad I couldn’t drag anyone to see Translation with me, but emergencies and obligations take precedence even over once in a lifetime opportunities.

We are all going out again at the end of next week. Not gonna miss this one.

I had a dream last night, one that has stuck with me all day.

It was like I had been shrunk down until I was no bigger than the threads I have been working with the last half year. I was whisked down the glowing golden current of one in a stream of minute bubbles. It carried me along to one of our switching junctions and I saw it in full woven knotted glory, looming over me like a city of sparkling golden lights, before I was swept inside and could see nothing but the light.

It cleared and I saw rolling meadows in flower, blue sky and clouds above. I remember thinking “I’m too small, this is not how it looks, This is not how the emitter works.”

And then I woke up. Yeah, we have been working pretty intensely lately.

Well, I did it. I applied for a transfer to our research division. With all the testing we are doing at the moment I do not expect it to go through this time, but at least I did something. Anthea says she will put it through for me anyway.

Seeing my family again has had me thinking. We’ve always been a far-reaching lot. Dizzy is off working in orbit, Mangus is away on the ocean and Dan has gone entirely. It is even how my family came together.

We were always told stories growing up of our parents’ travels. How far they had ranged and the wonders they had seen,  meeting and the long night stuck on the Rennid station, each drawing strength from the others, settling together in our Hanibah.

We’ve always known that when we are all grown and on our own paths they will leave again to continue seeking. “Our little confluence,” that is how they spoke of the family. Something that comes together for a time, creates something new and scatters again.

And here I am, come to Saralies to learn to see. It’s been seven years now, a little over one since I came to work here. The recovery from my studies has been worth it but I’m still not where I want to be. It is time I moved on.

Not much to say. Work has been very hectic the past few days. Not anything that new or challenging really, we’ve just been very, very busy trying to finish testing before we can proceed.

I’m exhausted.

Sunlight streaming through my window in the morning. It is so fine, so fine, and faster than we know. Still beyond my sight. I took some time to admire the bay and wish it were closer, but not much because today I was visiting my family.

Trip was longer than I expected. Usually there is only a line on ninthday, but I had to wait in line awhile at the station. Should try and get some time off soon so I can visit at leisure and enjoy the scenery, or what is the point of all that space between here and home?

Trip was longer than I expected, but in my rush to be ready I still arrived early. So I took the time to wander round, feel the stones under my feet and walk down old steep main street. It was so good to see again the road curving under my feet, looking out to green fields and mountains far beyond. I always forget how much I miss it.

Ran into Rel while I was walking around. There was not time to catch up then and he was going to be busy in the afternoon, so we sadly put it off.

Lian met me at the door, he said mum was home and dad would be later, but Cherik was out on business and could not get away. Most of our siblings were out too, except Derri and Karl. And Lian of course but he is still in school. We really need to start coordinating these things better. Least we had a better chance to catch up individually, all those little details we don’t quite share in our normal networked interactions.

And after I returned home, I spent a few hours catching up with Rel. He showed me around a virtual environment he was designing for a client - I had no idea that is what he is doing now! - and time got away from us so now I must finish quickly and sleep.

Went out with Mitt tonight. We decided to meet in the afternoon and make a bigger event of it than we had planned.

We met up at Parsi Square and hung out for a while enjoying the air and passers by. Got into an argument with a couple about whether Malik really deserves to have a statue there. I didn’t say much since she is more of a Saraliesan figure than a global one but it was still fun. Afterward we walked out the open side of the Square and strolled the waterfront while the sun set.

I think we both got a lot out of that conversation. It’s something we haven’t done face to face in weeks, although I was a bit distracted watching the harbour fountain. Those always grab me, like fire. Good thing it was around the bend and out of easy sight when we ate or I would not have been able to enjoy the salad (Since when do those taste so good? Must go back there soon).

We got chased out a couple of hours after we finished eating, so rapt in conversation and catching up there were tears in our eyes from all the laughter. Oh, not really chased out! But they were sure glad to see us stop taking up that table.

Mitt told me earlier she had a surprise. It turned out to be a quick jaunt around the harbour. We scurried hurriedly and maybe a little tipsily over to pier 37 where the little skiff she had booked was waiting for us. It was nearly as lovely, skimming over water by moonlight, as seeing Translation live and I really did not think I would be saying that about anything so soon.

Salt water sprayed our faces and - yes! - our path took as close to the fountain as allowed and, oh, the detail, you could not imagine. It is so fine-grained I almost lost myself. Haha, yes, Mitt really did have to shake me back to awareness of the rest of the world. Never been so close to one before, no matter how I have tried.

And when we were far out from land and there was no one but us, and Mitt had asked me to check for anything that might hear, she told me something secret. But that is all I shall say.

I feel curious… both charged and heavy hearted. But now I must sleep.

Looking back I see I have been saying a lot of negative stuff lately. Really surprised me when I noticed it. I think it is because negativity is just plain easier than positivity. Except at work because positive is- ah, never mind. Anyway, I guess I have been writing more about my disappointments and frustrations because I need some place to vent them. If I am feeling filled with joy about the universe I can just shout that out or go out with my mates and celebrate. If someone is getting on my nerves, well, yeah, I mostly just go yell at them, but inanimate objects hurt when I kick them. Plus the repairs come out of my salary. Yup-yup, easier by far to rant and rave into the ether than holding things in or going on a stompy rampage.

I do still love my job, mind. I love it SO MUCH, it is like having my eyes opened after a lifetime of having them closed, like my blood has been replaced with a current of pure vitality that lets me reach out and touch the world across every void, lets me fly. But as much as I love Saralies, and this city has been SO good to me since I moved here, I do want to see other places, other wonders too. Because I can, it feels like I can see everything now, so that is what I need to do.

So, yuh. I’m gonna try and find something positive to say for a change. After all, what is the point of representing myself to them as cares to know if I don’t actually represent myself?

Remember those representatives from Birindi from last week? I was hoping they wanted to enter into some kind of partnership with us. Actually, I was hoping I could wrangle a transfer for myself. I would love to see Birindi.

Unfortunately I heard a rumour today that the deal fell through. No, I won’t say who. Too bad I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon but after what I hear they wanted our expertise for, I’m glad it won’t be for that project.

*sigh* Confidentiality sux.

It seemed like nothing went right today. First my door wouldn’t open, then there was a breakdown on the way to work. When I did arrive everything was just… off. I got so distracted fiddling with a switch that just would not cooperate and so frustrated with everything else, some of my equipment nearly melted before I noticed. Just, ugh!

I did run into Mitt at lunch tho. She insisted that we do something together soon. Glad she talked me into it. I was really not in the mood then but now I am looking forward to it, even if it is just dinner by the harbour.

Hehe, bit of a drag coming down from last night but work was interesting at least. We got to mess around with some of the intake and switching subsystems. Still haven’t found the cause of that glitch; hopefully we have at least stopped it from happening again.

Just got back from seeing Translation perform live and, wow, they are even better than I expected. So glad I got to see that. I really never thought they were going to come out here, didn’t even really believe it until they started.

Just, wow. Their use of light was spectacular and the way it complimented the music, and I know I am fairly new here too but I think their Song for Saralies is perfect. I felt like I was just going to melt into it and float away. Shame my friends couldn’t make it; they’re gonna be kicking themselves when they find out what they missed out on.