Lovely day to myself today. Played the audio component of Cartesian Bullets’ catalogue loud, diagramming thaumic connections for a project of mine neglected too long. Out my window Saralies was washed in overcast grey with slate sea to mirror, and when the sun set my apartment was lit in threads of silver and gold, red and blue and green spotted connections.

So cosy in here. Music, lights, puzzle and beauty. Today is a happy day.

Whee, that was fun.

Just got back from that party I mentioned last night. I’m not sure what I was expecting but it turned out pretty good except for the bit where I thought I was going to fall over the railing.

Great view though, wide-swept over Carousel-Kabutah with cells glittering or dark by turns. I thought I could even pick out the restaurant we ate at a couple of weeks ago, with its quietly lit lake. That was when I nearly fell actually, leaning out to see better; good thing I caught myself or it could’ve been a bit awkward.

It was the same place I saw, actually.

The place was lovely. I met up with Arnolt and Pree outside, by the fountain, before heading up. They filled me in a bit on who would be there and when the doors opened I nearly forgot to breathe. From high places the world is laid out to see, to reach out and touch, and there on that platform under the stars it was as beautiful as ever. I wondered if this party were more important than I’d been led to believe.

The stars were not as bright as the ones of my childhood but it was still striking being introduced to Marik with him silhouetted by the Morgan starburst region, the glow of Vrrrk softly washing overhead. I was nervous meeting him, and Charlie, and Amber, and everyone else from different departments, but being amidst such ethereal beauty helped calm me, and we got along surprisingly well. Danced, even, on that platform high under the stars.

I’m actually looking forward to seeing them again. I know Charlie at least I’ve seen around the place a time or two, must say hi next time.

Very different from my farewell party in Saralies, but a wonderful, lovely experience. And now it is very late and I must sleep.

Wow. Guess I got pretty caught up in work. We’ve been working and talking well after leaving for home most of the past few nights. But I probably should not go into detail on that.

Yesterday I decided to take the day completely off. Not just because I wasn’t working anyway, but I thought it would be nice to spend the day with Saralies again. I’ve been spending a lot of time in Carousel-Kabutah lately and that city is wonderful but I missed walking the wide white streets of Saralies, turning a bend to see hills sweeping down to the wide ocean.

I met up with Alliatte in the afternoon. We went and had an early dinner under trees as the sun headed down. The wind was strong and and I got caught up and swirled our table settings a bit, which was a delightfully frivolous use of all this expensive equipment. Then Allie set Samelle’s “Summer in the Field” to playing and we danced until the stars came out.

Music is often better when shared.

And Pree has found the data she was after so it is back to after-work work for me!

Still getting the hang of this place. That big window onto the grounds can be distracting, although today Arnolt took me over to Zander building to see some experimental work.

Of course it wasn’t much different in practice from the test runs we conducted back in Saralies and we certainly didn’t have to be there for it but oh, wow was it thrilling! Seeing the hooks drain in, power flow and twist and shape and finally sputter out because of a misconfigured thread… Well, I may have done something just like it a thousand times before but I still wanted to rush in and tweak it. More, I was inspired, that this was something new which almost worked for the first time, right in front of me, and I wanted to do that too.

Make something, discover something new. Get at the roots of everything and see them shine.

Today I gave my new supervisor a call to check up on some details for next week. Oh, and I called Mitt too. It turns out we won’t be working in the same building but they are both part of the Greenwell Complex at Carousel-Kabutah. And he said he was looking forward to working with me. I don’t think it was just because it is his job.

I’m so excited! I haven’t really been sleeping well since I got the news but who could? At least I can use the time to get in some extra work on our current project before I have to say goodbye to it. Just tonight I finished a design for hooking two of the components together which I think is pretty neat. Tomorrow I’ll see what everyone else thinks of it.

We went out again tonight, all of us. Amazing. Alliatte managed to talk us into this last week without the rest of us realising what she was doing. I mean, we did all want to go out again but I don’t think anyone noticed it was her idea to go out both nights of the week-end or that it was her idea to have a hillside picnic under the stars.

No one else knew until we arrived together that the hills just outside Saralies are hosting a Crimson Project. They decorated the hillsides with glass-like pillars which chime in tones and pulses of light that seem to call and answer from hill to hill. It was like walking among flickering constellations of music. Alliate said she found out about the display by luck; she does not know how long it will remain in place.

We set up at the best spot we could find to enjoy the show, and saw a handful of other people doing the same or walking around. After we ate we sat and talked awhile of old times, present, and future. I won’t say what my friends talked of, but the sparks of scattered light made me nostalgic for stars I never visited. The Crimson Project brought a little of the alien to now-familiar Saralies and reminded me how much I wish to breathe the air of other worlds, to drink in their souls.

Yes, I want to travel. I know it is not for me, not now, and even if I were offered the chance I might not take it. Maybe after I have some experience honing my skills in R&D I will be ready.

We walked around for a while, taking in as much of the display as we could while we still can. It is not as homogeneous as I first thought. There are patterns in there… I think the only way to see the whole thing might be to view it from a high place and take an image over a long time. I might try that if it is still around on Fourthday.

Mandy wondered if there was any communication involved in the display. If there is none of us could decipher it but maybe he is right. Maybe he is right, maybe the poles are acting in response to one another and not in some pre-programmed or random sequence. And maybe…

Oh, but we stayed too late and I must sleep.

I had a dream last night, one that has stuck with me all day.

It was like I had been shrunk down until I was no bigger than the threads I have been working with the last half year. I was whisked down the glowing golden current of one in a stream of minute bubbles. It carried me along to one of our switching junctions and I saw it in full woven knotted glory, looming over me like a city of sparkling golden lights, before I was swept inside and could see nothing but the light.

It cleared and I saw rolling meadows in flower, blue sky and clouds above. I remember thinking “I’m too small, this is not how it looks, This is not how the emitter works.”

And then I woke up. Yeah, we have been working pretty intensely lately.

Seeing my family again has had me thinking. We’ve always been a far-reaching lot. Dizzy is off working in orbit, Mangus is away on the ocean and Dan has gone entirely. It is even how my family came together.

We were always told stories growing up of our parents’ travels. How far they had ranged and the wonders they had seen,  meeting and the long night stuck on the Rennid station, each drawing strength from the others, settling together in our Hanibah.

We’ve always known that when we are all grown and on our own paths they will leave again to continue seeking. “Our little confluence,” that is how they spoke of the family. Something that comes together for a time, creates something new and scatters again.

And here I am, come to Saralies to learn to see. It’s been seven years now, a little over one since I came to work here. The recovery from my studies has been worth it but I’m still not where I want to be. It is time I moved on.

Looking back I see I have been saying a lot of negative stuff lately. Really surprised me when I noticed it. I think it is because negativity is just plain easier than positivity. Except at work because positive is- ah, never mind. Anyway, I guess I have been writing more about my disappointments and frustrations because I need some place to vent them. If I am feeling filled with joy about the universe I can just shout that out or go out with my mates and celebrate. If someone is getting on my nerves, well, yeah, I mostly just go yell at them, but inanimate objects hurt when I kick them. Plus the repairs come out of my salary. Yup-yup, easier by far to rant and rave into the ether than holding things in or going on a stompy rampage.

I do still love my job, mind. I love it SO MUCH, it is like having my eyes opened after a lifetime of having them closed, like my blood has been replaced with a current of pure vitality that lets me reach out and touch the world across every void, lets me fly. But as much as I love Saralies, and this city has been SO good to me since I moved here, I do want to see other places, other wonders too. Because I can, it feels like I can see everything now, so that is what I need to do.

So, yuh. I’m gonna try and find something positive to say for a change. After all, what is the point of representing myself to them as cares to know if I don’t actually represent myself?